On the road near Kandahar City Afghanistan

Scenes from travels along the road near Kandahar City....

Their version of  Lowes

A Billboard promoting the Afghan Local Police Force

An intersection with a small police building

Middleboro Jones and the next great adventure

Belloq: " Doctor Jones however did you get yourself into such a nasty place ?"

Jones: " Why don't you come down here and find out..."

It seems that I have found my services requested for another adventure off to the distant parts of the globe. The economy is driving this more than a pursuit for the Ark of the Covenant or chasing nefarious villains. The economic forces have created a bit of a perfect storm where my skill set has more value over there than here at home.

This will limit the posting I can accomplish until I arrive and get situated later this week. Posting while in transit is possible but sometimes difficult. Like any adventure, there will be high points and low points...traveling to the "dusty" side of the globe is always an adventure...

Hope to have some good stuff to share and as always, try to provide a unique point-of-view while making sure things go as smoothly for me as they do for my buddy Indiana...

Brody: Marion's the least of your worries right now, believe me, Indy.

Indiana: What do you mean?

Brody: Well, I mean that for nearly three thousand years man has been searching for the lost ark. It's not something to be taken lightly. No one knows its secrets. It's like nothing you've ever gone after before.

Indiana: [laughing] Oh, Marcus. What are you trying to do, scare me? You sound like my mother. We've known each other for a long time. I don't believe in magic, a lot of superstitious hocus pocus. I'm going after a find of incredible historical significance, you're talking about the boogie man. Besides, you know what a cautious fellow I am.

You can't get there from heah...

The phrase " You can't get there from heah.." is something a tourist hears from the locals in northern New Engalnd, especially Maine when asking for directions.

I got treated to the AFGHANISTAN version of this today when I went to get my flight outta here.

156 seats on the plane, I was passenger #157.

So I get to experience one more day in Bagram before making my trek home...
(Insert sound of pissed off Bostonian using his favorite cuss words here)

President Doofus is on vacation along with the Congress. Meanwhile the war goes on here 24/7.

Hope tommorrow is a better day for getting on the freedom bird for the start of the long ride back to the right side of the pond...."

Inshalla" (local expression in the Middle East which translated meaning "If God wills it" )

Just asking for a little help here....Hopefully, Sunday AM will work out better for me.

FOB HOPPING 101

FOB HOPPING is the process of getting from point "A" to Point "B" here in Afghanistan by helicopter. It can be both tedious and exciting....most of it depends on what happens along the way.....I've done quite a bit of this while in Afghanistan and it never goes exactly the way you anticipate.

I got tossed around by prop wash one time when I was getting off a helicopter in Herat but that is a different story....

The latest version of this occurred over the last few days...the typical delays occurred - show time was 1500 - then got pushed back to 1900....I waited until evening and then got dropped off at the PAX terminal where you and the others who are lucky enough to be going through this process wait.

Soon we knew this was not going to be a good time because the flight time got pushed back several times from 1900 hrs to 2100 to 2300 and then ultimately until 0130...the whole time you are waiting in a room that has a large TV playing the crappiest programs imaginable (AFN - Armed Forces Network)...the programs are the worst situation comedies, commercials talking about basic military info and other public service announcements. Imagine TV so bad it would cause small animals to go into seizures....yes, it is that bad.

Finally, we get the word that we need to grab our gear and line up for our flight at 0130, flying out at 0215. When we get outside, we line up by location, and mine is the last one they will get to, which means I get to get on first...consequently, we will get to go to all the other locations before we get to our place.....I find out that means we will make 8 other spots....I am not a happy camper.

We get on board take our seats and the two side gunners are there suited up for winter....it is at that point that I realize we will be flying through the mountains with the windows open so we can defend ourselves if we get attacked. The air gets pretty cold at altitude and I only have a light jacket on. If you would like to replicate this experience, try tooling down the highway sometime in the winter with both your windows wide open and you'll get an idea on what the next three hours will feel like.....part of the fun is that it took three hours to get from point " A" to "B" on this journey.... Brrrrrrr.

During the course of the trip, we had to refuel, so they ask all of us to get out while they do so.....we step out of the helicopter and walk over to the side of the LZ....it is pitch black out, there is a very small crescent moon and other than that, the entire world beyond where we are is pitch black....no lights, no walls, no idea of where we are or if there is a base there.....we are in the middle of no man's land....it was creepy as I had no idea if it was a good place to be or not...a few of the soldiers had their weapons ready so I stood by and waited. the refueling was done and we got aboard.

Finally we get to the last place, where I needed to get off. By now, the sun is coming up, the base is there and me and one other guy depart the helicopter. They take off and we call our POC. He comes over and escorts us to the basic qtrs. where we can plot our stuff down. I am exhausted as I had no sleep at all. I get in to the place, and basically try to climb into my rack for a few hours of sleep before the day begins....30 minutes later, the other guys who share the place turn on the lights and start their day...wonderful. I try to get an hour's sleep but it is useless. Tired but now also hungry, I get up and make my way to the showers to see if that will help....just another fun day of " FOB HOPPING" in Afghanistan...

Next time someone tries to tell me about how bad their commute is back home, I will have a story to tell them about what that same process involves over here....FOB Hopping....just another part of the fun and frolics here in Afghanistan. We are glad to have the soldiers and those who keep us safe while we travel in this dangerous place....The guy who said, " Getting there is half the fun.." obviously never participated in FOB Hopping.

The Kandahar 500 - How Middleboro Jones earned his "racing chit" while in Afghanistan, January 2010

Today was spent watching NASCAR as they raced at the Texas Motor Speedway, which was right across the street from the hotel I stayed at prior to shipping off to Afghanistan a year ago.

Racing was never something I thought I would have to do when I was in country, but like many other things that occurred in Afghanistan, it couldn't get any frickin' weirder than racing in the " Kandahar 500 ". What is that you say?? Take a listen and I will relate the story of how Middleboro Jones got to earn his road racing chit while in country.


THE KANDAHAR 500 - January 2010

It is best to double check & make sure you know what’s you are getting into before you accept an invitation, especially out here in the sandbox.

The latest adventure for Middleboro Jones started out innocently enough. I’m standing outside smoking my cigar to catch a break from glow of the blue haze of the computer screen at my desk and all the usual craziness…. A colleague was across the yard is calling my name and waving me over….

I went over to her as she was standing outside the 10 passenger van that we have for the HR group. She said, “C’mon, we’re picking up some new vehicles and we need another driver.” OK, that sounds like a request that I could assist with….I get in the van with some others I know including a big guy who works in Fire Control called “Cowboy”. He falls in to the category of character you would go out drinking with one night, wind up in a jail cell with him, and he would be saying, “Man, that was fun….let’s do it again..”

As we proceeded down the roads, I notice we are getting closer to the perimeter of the base and as I look out the window, I notice we are at the ECP (Entry Control Point). IT is at that moment that my colleagues tell me that the vehicles we are getting are outside the wire (i.e. outside the confines & PROTECTION of the base)

…..Now, sometimes, vendors bring goods to the ECP for a handoff. That is OK because it occurs right in front of the guards and is a protected area. In this case, we are now proceeding out the gate and down the road away from KAF…. We are no longer on the base, nor have an armed escort, nor have armor surrounding us as we travel. We are in a plain van, unarmed and without “Battle Rattle”(Vests & Kevlar helmets) or weapons ….This is not good.

We proceed to the end of the first road, about a half a mile, take a right and drive down to the end of the next road, (another ½ mile), take a left and then proceed on to a third road. As we drive down these roads, both sides are lined with broken buildings, collapsed structures and lots of ragged looking hovels which are likely someone’s home……This is not good times 100.

We proceed to turn left into a gated compound, which is full of fairly new vehicles. The vendor operates a construction company and rents vehicles on the side….outside, a small group of children with tattered clothes, dirty & unwashed , play in the dust at the side of the road….they are smiling & trying to have fun but are in need of many things we are unable to provide them. Total distance covered, roughly 1 ½ miles or as we would say here, too F#$King far to be on your own without the proper items LIKE WEAPONS or ARMOR.

Now the tricky part, we got out here, now – we have to get back….They have us line up and get ready to go like the fires of hell itself were licking at the rear bumper of the vehicle…They put me in the lead (which is where I want to be because if there is a vehicle in front of me, and it slows down, I am liable to run it off the road !) – The little man opens the gate & I decided to find out how fast the Toyota Forerunner can REALLY Go…I hit the gate & I’m off like a shot – The Toyota screams as I pushed the pedal into the carpet – The Forerunner reaches 75-80 mph quickly as the road is a straight shot…I get to the end of the first stretch and round the corner at 50 miles an hour…as the tires squeal their disapproval, I’m back up to 75-80 miles an hour heading down the road again…

The locals are checking out the cars (7 of us) proceeding down this crappy Afghan road like we were driving the Kandahar 500 - 100 miles an hour, 6 inches of each other’s bumpers….The next corner is rounded like the first and then, in the haze of dust, I can see the gates of the base about a ½ mile away. The traffic has increased a bit as we are nearing the gates and we slow to a more respectable pace – in this area, the last thing you want to do is approach a ECP at high speed – behavior like that, regardless of reason will get you lit up like a Christmas Tree… pull up slowly up to the gate, show my Base ID and proceed back into the safety & confines of KAF.

In my mind, I recall a line from the first Star Trek Movie, after the Enterprise escapes the worm-hole effect that nearly wrecks the ship….

Captain Kirk: Status Report, Mr. Chekov -
Ensign Chekov: No casualties reported sir….”
Dr. McCoy : WRONG Mr. Chekov! There are casualties – MY WITS, as in “frightened out of, Captain Sir.”

At that moment, I felt a kinship with the good Doctor McCoy as I had never felt before….Yup – The world has two types of people who pull off these kind of stunts – lucky amateurs and professionals.

Today, we were a group of dangerous/lucky amateurs begging for the fickle finger of fate not to screw up our day….I am glad to be here to report that the “Fates” obviously had other things to do…..whew. Middleboro Jones lives to ride again……BUT not like that…no sir…It does not bode well to temp the “Fates” more than once. And I’ve used up my allotment of chances for the immediate future.


YEP, that was how I earned my "racing chit" last January in Afghanistan......It calls to mind the words of one of the world's greatest writers:

" Auto racing, bull fighting, and mountain climbing are the only real sports… all the others are games.." – Ernest Hemingway

I would have to agree.

Middleboro Jones visits FOB Apache in February 2010

I've posted several items today....I'll be traveling on business this week and might not be able to post for a few days - so I thought I'd post some extra stuff today.....Enclosed is a copy of my notes from a visit to FOB Apache, near Qalat, Afghanistan. I was reviewing my files and came across this from earlier in 2010.... I thought I would share this as it was written while I was experiencing it....and tells you about how I was feeling at the time.


FOB APACHE – February 2010

Got the word that Middleboro Jones would need to be part of a transition team heading out to a place called FOB APACHE near the City of Qalat in Eastern Afghanistan. The base is one of the ones they want to switch over from the old company to my company.

Gear up and head out to the chopper pad known as Stallion Ramp…along with 10 of my colleagues, we are all getting on board the “white birds” a.k.a the Russian Helicopters, MI-8s that we lease for transportation around the AOR. Lotsa gear to load as half of the group was going out there for permanent assignment, I was only going for a 4-5 day FOB hop….

We loaded up & got on the bird, and after a good warm up of the Russian engines, off we go….flying at about 3000 ft, you get to see quite a bit of the Afghanistan countryside….villages & mud huts with compound walls….looks like the flood we had four days ago reeked some havoc as the roads & rivers around some of the villages appear to have been enlarged, significantly.

Fly into the landing zone as we land next door to FOB Apache at the ANA camp (Afghan National Army). The location is clean and the camp appears well maintained. The other features of note are two old Soviet Tanks parked out on the perimeter. They look like they have been there for some time and have likely rusted in place. The chopper takes off and we are there on the pad with Sgt. Seelig. He is a good sort and I send along greetings from a mutual friend in KAF….He is glad to see us and share a cigar.

We ride on the back of a MRAP which is the basic replacement vehicle for the old fashioned stake back trucks that we use to have in the Seabees. A bumpy ride from the ANA side of the camp to FOB Apache….a outpost here in the mountains around Qalat. About 300 soldiers here along with some troops from Romania – good guys & ladies all.

We get dropped off at the tent camp to find that the tent that was reserved for us is occupied by soldiers….they came in late the night before and the tent is now no longer available…..wouldn’t be too bad but it is frickin’ cold out here with wind blowing & cloudy skies…We spend the better part of the day wandering around camp, meet n ‘greet, seeing the sights (DFAC, MWR, PX, etc., etc.).

We get to walk around a bit and I find a small group of soldiers inventorying their gear including all their weapons….

I make small talk and take some pictures (yes, I get paid to do this as getting to know the people we are serving is part of my job) – Soldiers ask what I do, I tell them and they are polite about things…they know I am making more money than they are and they are out there risking their necks…sometimes it is tough as I understand their side of things….I joke with them and they laugh at my lame jokes…camaraderie here is universal and all on camp are considered what we would consider in the Navy “Shipmates” – One Team, One Fight as we would say.

As the sun starts to set, we are still w/o power or lights at our hooch…..ugh! Sgt Seelig tries to get a spare generator running but it is no-go so we wind up sleeping in a spare building which is destined to be a new DFAC in the near future….Cots in a big empty room…wonderful. Guess it beats sleeping out in a dusty tent somewhere with no heat.

Wake up at 4 a.m. (some habits die hard from the Navy side of my life) – I head out to the shower trailer (which takes almost as much coordination as a Moon Landing, as you have to get dressed, take everything you need with you and hike a good distance to get there) – Think of it this way, you get to take a shower in your neighbor’s backyard shed which is about 300-500 yards across the other side of a gravel pit, with no lights to show you the way, and the gravel pit is full of large pieces of equipment and lots of muddy spots.

Get the Shower, dress and head down to the MWR….the one saving grace is that the computers there are available at 4:30 a.m. as most on camp are still sleeping….I get some internet time and after getting all my gear wrapped back up, I lug it back to the tent where lights are still out but we are storing our gear.

Day 2 starts off good as the SUN comes out and warms the place a little more than yesterday. We spend most of the morning working to get info we need and try to figure out what else is needed….kinda like sending you to a neighborhood across town where you don’t know anyone, having some people there who want your help and a lot of others who are indifferent to your presence. Now find how to keep the normal services operating like lights, sewer & general maintenance BUT there is NO Home Depot to get supplies or any other stores for miles around. AND even if there was, you can’t drive there as the locals are very unfriendly and have no problem perforating you and your vehicle while you drive around….Sounds like fun, eh?

The rest of the morning is spent talking with workers here and trying to figure out what we need to do to transition the camp over….lotsa little details (like finding out who the Army types are and where they are, etc.) and lotsa large details (like figuring out how we supply water, power, HVAC, laundry, DFAC and quality of life…) Not your average day working in the corporate cube farm….your company might be a pressure cooker on a day-to-day basis BUT it is unlikely that you will have people shivering in the cold if the mission doesn’t get done on any given day. If we fail, we could have people (Army & civilians) wind up shivering in the cold with no food or a place to shower or go to the bathroom.

On the 2nd day’s evening we hold a “Town Hall Meeting” which involves getting together with all the workers who are here and seeing if they are interested in coming over to our company. The issues usually revolve around MONEY, JOB & LOCATION in that order….What’s the pay – What will I be doing & Where will I work. Once people get to a place like here, they want to stay as they make a home out of it. I understand that also as you get to know all the people you work with and also get to know the military who are based there. It is kinda important as these are the ones you will be relying on for your protection and out here, that can be very, very important.

Town Hall meeting goes off as planned – 35 or so employees all asking about pay & other stuff….some good questions and some that are “Why is this different??” – Contracts control the situation so it goes back to “ It is what it is.”

Day Three begins much as Day 2 with walking to the shower trailer, getting some internet time with home and then Breakfast ( best meal of the day here in AFGHN). I get together with our crew and we prepare for the people who will speak with our recruiter this morning….The morning is spent between trying to get e-mail time at the MWR (only computer we have for getting in touch with Kandahar), talking with more folks and trying to keep warm as it was cold again. The day also brings frustration as the Site Manager here is in need of people & equipment ASAP and like Captain Kirk, he is being promised that the photon torpedoes will be in on Tuesday….yeah, right.

Day Three and I haven’t written any FSAs yet as no one has signed any offer letters…the recruiter is new and had not handled a transition….I give him my best advice but he is working on his own and that also generates frustration….I took a break to walk around the camp and see what else is out there….we walk up a set of stairs to an observation platform where you can see over the valley and also see a portion of the city of Qalat. There is also a Special Forces camp about 5 kilometers away that we can see on the horizon. The area is wide open and we even observe an Afghan civilian walking two of his sheep…..peaceful looking but likely not some place you would just want to wander around….likely not good for your long-term health if you know what I mean…

We also get word that we are scheduled for our return to KAF on Tuesday AM. I get together with Sgt Seelig and make sure he knows our schedule as the last thing you want to have happen is to miss your ride…..oh no no no …can’t afford to miss the bird when it comes….get on the Bird & go……back to KAF….but that is 2 ½ days away….luckily, I have more cigars to smoke….I need ‘em.

I share a few cigars with the senior enlisted leaders as they are the guys you want to endear yourself to….never know when you will need their help…..First Sgt. Hanshaw gladly accepts the offer of one of my JR Cigars. I’ll have to see what he thinks when I see him next….Supper time tonight was a treat – Grilled Steaks, Fried Shrimps, Clam Chowder and finished off with a bowl of Baskin Robbins Vanilla Ice Cream…..yes – sometimes things go just right out here….

Sunday Morning – early start as I wake up at 04:00 and that is good as you can get to the showers early and make sure you get some hot water. Sunday is usually a day of rest for the military and most, not all military get to sleep in a bit. I make my hike across the 500 years of gravel to the shower trailer and also get a glimpse of the stars as this is a “dark camp” which mean no external lights….the sky is full of stars and it is one of the sights that we get over here that really stays with you. Back home, between street lights and all the other light pollution, you don’t get to see the sky like this unless you go well out into the wilderness……here, it is an everyday thing as soon as the sun goes down.

Breakfast here is too much – literally. You get your choice of eggs, bacon, waffles, toast, cereal, fresh fruit etc. etc. – I am glad I don’t stay here permanently as I would be as large as a horse…..breakfast is good and I get enough to make me almost regret eating…..I leave with a large steaming cup of tea and that is always the BEST way to start the day….

Only internet connection we have here is at the MWR…our systems aren’t installed yet & the satellite rig is down….bummer. The MWR is OK as long as you don’t mind waiting and getting only 30 minutes of internet at a whack….then you have to get off the computer and put your name on the list again if you want to reup…wonderful. Not like back at KAF where I have my own laptop and I am connected 24/7….here it is handed out like samples at the supermarket – just enough to make you want more, but not enough to satisfy your appetite.

More conversations with workers and trying to see who will accept offers. The other companies are making offers to them to take them to other sites and the offers are lucrative, including signing bonuses. Our company doesn’t offer signing bonuses as that wasn’t part of what we set up when we bid the contracts. If it comes down to $$, many workers will go where the $$ is as it will be better for them.

I can understand that aspect but it makes it difficult for us to compete…Oh well, than we will likely bring in new workers that we have back at Kandahar….Plan A was to recruit those here but if that is a no-go, than we move on to Plan B….SEMPER GUMBY as the Marines say…”Always Flexible ”.

Today is Valentine’s Day and like all dutiful husbands, I have sent along my gift way ahead of time to make sure it got to the homefront….I also sent along a Valentine’s Day E-mail to my Mrs. and one to my Daughter…can’t forget the ladies on Valentine’s Day…it would be akin to driving down the road to Qalat in a convertible….probably a high likelihood that it would an unwise choice.
Now I only have to figure out what to do with the rest of the two days I am stuck here until the Choppers come & pick us up……I could find ways to get into trouble but that is also likely unadvisable.

Weather has kicked up and the winds are howling out there…sand is blowing around and reducing visibility….yuck….cold & sandy….not a desired version of what I would like to see going on out there. Weather forecast for Tuesday is good and that is the BEST news I could get so far….Don’t want anything to throw off the helicopters from coming over here to get us….being stuck here for several extra days waiting on the next flight opportunity would really suck. Travel over here is a lot tougher than back home…here, if you miss your connection ( your fault, their fault, no one’s fault), the next one might be along in a week….until then, you’re basically staying where you are…..no other choice offered.

Finished off day with a call via DSN (Defense Systems Network) to home & my Dad on Cape Cod. DSN is designed for military and you can only call other military BUT if you tell them you need a “Morale Call” and give them an 800 Number, they will connect you. From there, you jut use your calling card like you were calling from inside the United States….pretty damn cool. I got to talk with my Dad and make sure he is OK and call my wife to wish her a Happy Valentine’s Day….also pretty damn cool….

Supper was first rate and another day at Camp Apache is all but done….just need to finalize a few things and then it is off to the tent for another night’s sleep….righteous.

Day 5- Day starts out just like the others – cold hike to shower trailer, shower, cold hike back to tent to get dressed…..off to MWR for internet, breakfast and then off to see what kind oiff stuff we will have to deal with today…..no big issues but enough stuff to keep us occupied …ready to head back to KAF….only need to wait until Tomorrow morning….then it will be all good….

Tuesday- Woke up at 03:30 a.m. and it was cold…..cold….cold…did I mention it was COLD….20 degrees and a steady 15 mph breeze that dropped the wind chill into the single digits…went to the MWR to do a bit of internet before the crowd shows up and I won’t be able to get near the computer…DFAC is open early for cereal & tea and for my breakfast….packed stacked & ready to fly….

The Army sends us a MRAP to get us over to the helipad at the ANA camp…..it is COOLLLLD out there and we wait for the helicopter … about an hour later….it lands – we board and the next thing we are flying over the AFGHN landscape to KAF……land at KAF and I am greeted warmly once I get back to my office…..It is a weird experience that when you arrive back at Kandahar, you have feeling of homecoming…..totally weird but it is good to be back at KAF….for now…

60 days until my R&R……and it can’t come soon enough…really.

(And that's the way it was back in Feb 2010 - Glad it is in the past as i am not interested in doing that excursion ever again....had enough of the dusty side of the planet, thank you very much)